Can the skills for peace help us work and live more effectively?
On International Day of Living Together in Peace, I offer some reflections on how acceptance, listening, good relationships and prosociality benefit both businesses and people.
The 16th May is International Day of Living Together in Peace. The UN describes living together in peace as ‘accepting differences and having the ability to listen to, recognise, respect and appreciate others, as well as living in a peaceful and united way’. These skills are ones that we sometimes devalue as just ‘soft skills’; but in my career I have seen how they show up consistently as ways of working and living more effectively, often with a beneficial impact in terms of performance and quality of life.
On International Day of Living Together in Peace, here’s some of my reflections on how the skills of acceptance, listening and having good relationships with others can have real impact in the workplace and our wider experience.
Acceptance
In the work that I do, acceptance is defined as our willingness to take action towards the things that are meaningful and important to us, even if that brings up difficult thoughts, feelings and emotions. It’s a difficult but worthwhile skill to develop. Acceptance is the skill that empowers us to choose what we do in an given situation, or decide who we want to be as a leader, or as a person, in the world.
This skill is critical to making good decisions about how to act, when often our minds hijack us because we feel fearful, vulnerable or angry. This skill of acceptance is needed for peace because that requires us to be willing to accept differences - often when that feels very challenging.
This same skill is part of being an effective leader or colleague, or in being the person you want to be in your life. It is a valuable skill for everyone in my opinion - but it’s harder than it sounds. We can practice this skill by choosing to turn towards the things that are meaningful and important to us, whilst choosing to have our fear and discomfort there too.
Listening
Being in the present moment and giving someone your full attention also sounds easy, but again when we feel fearful, vulnerable or angry, our minds can hijack us. We start to time-travel into the future and think about all the terrible things that might happen; or into the past and think about the things that have already happened to us. This time-travelling is a fairly normal response so it’s difficult to remain in a place of really listening.
Listening well is a skill, and one we can develop. It requires us to be in the present moment, even when that is hard. Coaches and leaders are two of many roles that benefit hugely from active listening skills. We can use silence to give space to others to share their experience, views or thinking with us. That shared knowledge is powerful and is the foundation for meaningful change - both within and between us. When most of the work or personal things we do are based on having good relationships with other people, listening is the key to unlocking shared knowledge and understanding.
Relationships
Being able to recognise, respect and appreciate others is a core skill for peace - but it is also how leaders can be most effective. There are some myths about what makes a great leader that seem to persevere despite being very unhelpful (see Haslam, Alvesson, & Reicher, 2024, for a great summary of these myths).
Leadership is a process where people motivate one or more other people towards achieving collective goals. Great leaders are great because they work with others and collaborate. This is often because the inter-personal skills they have which make people feel recognised, respected and appreciated are well developed and they use them well.
Most of the leadership development work I do is focused on raising someone’s awareness of how they interact with others (and perhaps the relationship they have with themselves as well). In my experience, leaders who are more purposeful, intentional, and adaptable generate better performance and wellbeing, both for themselves and their teams. Evidence from contextual behavioural science and evolutionary science supports this view too.
However, we can all benefit from being purposeful, intentional, respectful and appreciative in our relationships. Feel free to take that as an invitation to experiment with your behaviour and see if you can bring more of those things in your relationships with others - even when you feel fearful, vulnerable or angry. You might learn something new or useful about yourself and who you want to be in the world.
Prosociality
Most of the skills I’ve described above relate to being prosocial. Prosociality can be defined as ‘the act of getting along and cooperating with others’ (Atkins, Wilson, & Hayes, 2019). Prosociality is not a soft, fluffy way of describing human life but a set of behaviours that evidence shows results in more productive, equitable and collaborative groups. Its based on Noble Prize-winning work by economist Elinor Ostrom.
If you’re interested in how prosocial behaviours can lead to real business impact - both behaviourally and financially - here’s a great discussion with senior leaders Rhonda Spencer, Brian Wellinghof, and David Pickersgill at Barry-Wehmiller. This organisation has developed a culture of conscious capitalism, and it has replicated its culture in over 140 other companies that it has acquired. This fascinating discussion advocates for prosocial behaviours across an organisation. Hope you enjoy it!
https://www.un.org/en/observances/living-in-peace-day
Atkins, P. W., Wilson, D. S., & Hayes, S. C. (2019). Prosocial: Using evolutionary science to build productive, equitable, and collaborative groups. New Harbinger Publications.
Haslam, S. A., Alvesson, M., & Reicher, S. D. (2024). Zombie leadership: Dead ideas that still walk among us. The Leadership Quarterly, 35(3), 101770